Another Big Decision when Marrying Later in Life is blending homes. Will you be moving into his home, will he be moving into yours or  will you be buying a new home that will be community property.  Either way, our impulse as women is to create a beautiful home right away. From our experience, these feelings are totally understandable. However, in these economic times it may not be prudent to completely refurnish a new home. A full discussion of the pros and cons together, of what needs to be done is absolutely essential to your beginning. There is nothing worse for a new marriage than to endure any form of financial hardship. You could permanently damage your relationship. As with many things in marriage and in life, negotiating in good faith is vital.

If you are  moving into your husband’s home, making immediate changes to reflect your style may not be the wise way to approach your new union. He may have established his home for many years with touches that reflect his style, tastes and memories. To completely redo his home will cause more than a little bit of friction. It will hurt his feelings, and give him the thought that what he has done is not right. Make your changes slowly. Take time to live together to see what treasures are most dear to him.

Big Daddy had completely redecorated his home before he called me for a date. Rather presumptuous I would say, but none the less endearing that he would undertake such a tremendous makeover. I also inherited his son as our roommate, so that was another factor to making any swift changes. A home with children living there is a situation not to be treated lightly. Respect the established quo and over time make little changes that will be accepted by everyone. Including the children’s needs is very important to building a close relationship.  In our home, there are still pictures on the walls and shelves of family times long ago. Mementoes which give comfort to all the children as they come and go. Precious memories to them of a history of togetherness, that I would never change.

Hugs,

Elizabeth & Marsha

www.marryinglaterinlife.com