Another Big Decision when Marrying Later in Life entails inheriting children from one or both parties. In my case, I inherited three young adults and Marsha & her Big Daddy inherited two a piece. The popular name given to this role is usually that of “step mom” or” step dad.”

We wouldn’t say it’s popular term. It just is, and the history we are not quite sure of. In many cases with blending families, the change of one parent’s position doesn’t come easily and is met with resistance and regret of how things use to be. These feelings start when you are dating seriously and officially begin when you marry. It is a challenging role to step into no matter what the circumstances were that led to the end of the first marriage. Children fear they will lose the love of their parent. Maintain a calm, supportive and loving nature. Through time and assurance, the children will learn to accept your position and value in the family. My new family calls me Liz. It feels more endearing and personal to all of us. None of us really embraced “step mom.” I was happy, as it always felt awkward and a term that didn’t feel family like.

We also like “step friend,” as that is what feels more natural when inheriting older children. You become their friends in a different way than their contemporaries. You certainly aren’t their Mother, even if she has passed away or isn’t around anymore. With younger children, if the above case is true with their Mother, you do take on the role of a step mom or adopted mother right away.

As  noted above when the children are younger, you also inherit the role of…”STEP NAZI.” The one in the family who must take on the role of a real mother. You are the one who sets the rules, leads by example and tends to their needs growing up. This is a difficult role, especially when the children are approaching the age of rebellion for establishing their own identity.

We would appreciate your thoughts on the words “Step Mom.” Does it define you in your new role, or are you referred to in your new family by another name. Only you know what feels right!

We have addressed blending families in depth in our soon to be released book Marrying Later in Life.

Hugs,

Elizabeth & Marsha

www.marryinglaterinlife.com